So, I've been thinking...

This last week has been filled with a lot of thinking. I was given a week off from working on raising support for my job with Campus Crusade. A week reprieve from something that had become so much about me and my performance that I was losing sight of who God is and what He's done for me and why I signed on to work for Campus Crusade in the first place.

It's been a hard week, but it's been a truth filled week. I have heard truth from the Word, from some books, from some friends who love me and are willing to put it out there.

Two big things I wanted to share -

1. I need some serious accountability to spend time daily in the Word. I have a terrible tendency to move into avoidance mode when it comes to hard things. I will fill my time with anything rather than going to God with the appropriate level of desperation. He wants me to rest in Him, He wants me to find peace in Him and He requires me to yield control. Which leads to the second thing...

2. I have idols. We all do. To use the words of Tim Keller - our hearts are idol making factories. My idols are comfort, performance, achievement, knowledge, control.... I tend to make people and situations way bigger than they need to be. I dwell in self-pity (which is actually a form of pride) and I lose sight of all of the great things and people in my life and often look the gift horse in the mouth. I found myself complaining to a friend yesterday that this last week that I was "off work" was busier than I expected (she's a single mom and probably works 50 to 60 hours a week at her job, a day in her life is busier than a month of mine). She very quickly pointed that out and I was humbled and continue to be (and that's a good thing). Also, I am not in control of my life and I need to learn to be ok with that and to put God in His appropriate place ahead of all of the other things that compete for my attention. To really know that I can't add anything to Jesus and His completed work on the cross.

I write this because I need prayer. I'm feeling kind of desperate. I'm feeling the reality of not being in control and I'm terrified. Would you pray that I would learn to rest in Christ? And that God would make it increasingly clear what He wants me to be doing with my life and what I need to do to carry that out?

Thanks! And hope that everyone is else is doing well....

the doubting sarah

re-posting this from my to be a better me blog (so some of you may see it twice), but I wanted to share it over here as well as an update.  Hope everyone is doing well!



Ever since I came undone I have had regular times when I really really struggle with doubt. The kind of doubts that Christians don't talk about.  Like, "all this God stuff sounds ridiculous--why am I even pretending to believe or convincing myself that I believe it?" or "How can I really believe that Heaven and Hell are real--that is just silly" or even "I don't believe that a good God would choose to save some people and not others when he could save everyone."  It's hard.  I feel like a bad person when I think those thoughts.  It makes me question who I am, my purpose in life, THE purpose OF life, everything.  I try to press those thoughts down, but occasionally they spring up.  Honestly I feel like I'm being blasphemous to even admit that I do struggle with this, but I feel like I'm supposed to share this.

Last night I was thinking about these things again--having skipped time with the Lord for 12 days (how ridiculous is it that 12 days can shake me!?!?).  I don't know why I let myself get in that kind of pattern...no, I do know...it is how Satan gets a foothold in my life (is it bad that I feel silly to even type that?  why do I have such a weirdness about admitting the reality of hell and satan and all that??) but that is where I have been. So I decided that instead of wasting time reading things that do not matter and allowing myself to get deeper in this pit I would spend time with the Lord instead. After reading Psalm 76 I picked up Brennan Manning's Abba's Child and started reading again--he deals a lot with doubts and faith and learning to find our true identity as a child of God.  Here are a few things that really struck me last night:

This fear of ridicule paralyzes more effectively than would a head-on attack or an outspoken harsh critics.  How much good is left undone because of our fear of the opinion of others!  We are immobilized by the thought: what will others say?  The irony of all this is that the opinions we fear most are not those of people we really respect, yet the same persons influence our lives more than we want to admit.  This enervating fear of our peers can create an appalling mediocrity. p. 134

 So I definitely struggle with this fear of looking stupid or being thought ignorant because of my faith.  That just breaks my heart--when i think about it clearly...unfortunately not often enough...   Back in college when I was in those classes with people who openly criticized Christianity I was silent.  Embarrased.  Confused.  Ashamed to admit my true identity in Christ.  Just plain stupid.  Now I am sad to say that I have adapted my relationships to be "in and of the world"--in my desire to relate to friends who are not believers or who are not walking with the Lord I have not been set apart.  I just try to blend in.  And that is not okay either.

The truth of faith has little value when it is not also the life of the heart.~Abba's Child. p. 135

 Manning goes on to quote Soren Kierkegaard, a philosopher about whom I studied much in my philosophy minor but now remember nothing!  But this quote rings so true:

We artful dodgers act as if we do not understand the New Testament, because we realize full well that we should have to change our way of life drastically.  That is why we invented "religious education" and "christian doctrine."  Another concordance, another lexicon, a few more commentaries, three other translations, because it is all so difficult to understand...

 Now I'm not knocking the pursuit of Biblical knowledge and theology--those things definitely have their places--but so often we lose sight of truth in search of information. 

The measure of our depth-awareness of Christ's present risenness is our capacity to stand up for the truth and sustain the disapproval of significant others. p. 137

 So if I truly comprehend (though I don't know that as humans we ever can...) or even begin to appreciate what Christ did for me, I should be not only willing, but EAGER to look foolish to others by proclaiming truth.  But it honestly scares me.

So what do I know?  When I fail to pursue a relationship with the Lord, I am opening doors and windows...basically knocking down the walls of protection...to invite Satan to bring these doubts into my mind.  It doesn't matter if it sounds silly to others or even if it makes sense or is logical...it is the truth and has been proven and shown so many times...and even if it wasn't proven, it's about having faith!  I mean, how silly would it be if every time that hubs and I were apart or not connecting the best I would all of the sudden doubt his existence and the legitimacy of our marriage?!?! 

I have so far to go, but I hope that by sharing this someone else will be encouraged to travel the road beside me...

Once Again

So...here I am the slacker and I haven't posted. I have been thinking about it and once I can put my thoughts together more coherently I will add to it. But no I have not been doing a quiet time and what little time I've had has been sketchy at best. I will update more hopefully throughout the week. I have hit the cruch point at school on so many things so it will be chaos but I will post. Thanks for your patience, prayers and understanding. I can't tell you how much it has been appreciated.

times of trial...

Thanks as always to our "fearless leader" sabrina for starting off the accountability checkin.  I totally am struggling with the same types of things, and am wondering is we are just going through a time of trial and being attacked by Satan for trying be involved in something that can be so glorifying to God?


Well, here is my check in:

1. Did you spend quality time each day with the Lord? If so, how was it? If not, why not?

Nope nope nope.  The times that I have spent with the Lord have been a bare minimum--just doing it to check it off the list. I wrote in my prayer journal 4 times this week...the first two I can tell I was actually focused on it, but the last two were quickly jotted requests with no real heart.  I have been sick again...we think it was the flu?  (tests at my doctor were inconclusive). I was in bed Tuesday--Friday, then had a good day Saturday and today am in a lot of pain again.  I don't know why instead of leaning on the Lord during these times I just hole up in a cocoon and ignore him altogether??  Makes no sense, but that is what I'm doing.

2. What was the biggest struggle for you this week?

When I have times like this when my health is really bad, I wallow in depression and have a very defeatist attitude.  I have no desire to do anything and my attitude is horrible.  Not glorifying to God at all.

3. What is your biggest praise from this last week?

In the midst of everything, hubs and I talked more about whether I need to leave my job and finally came to what I think is a resolution.  I'm kinda bummed b/c I did not get the position that I was really hoping for (a part time administrative position at a church) but I am sending out resumes and praying for God to provide something.

4. Is there anything you feel you need to confess or repent of?

Wallowing in depression.  Failing to see the wonderful things that God has provided.  Just a negative attitude.  Also, I am failing in the area of commitment.  I have this drive to do well for a few days, and then I don't care anymore and stop trying.  This goes for time in the word, getting things done at home, and trying to make better choices regarding my health/weight.

5. Share what you are committing to do with the Lord next week.

To be totally honest, I feel afraid to even say anything b/c I think I will fail!  I have not been able to follow through with anything lately and am scared to put anything out there and then to check back in next week and admit that I did nothing.  I guess I just need to trust Him daily with our future, finding a new job, and trust His strength to get me through each day...and to take baby steps of faith.  I will: talk to one of the doctors I work with about leaving my job, and I will pray about it daily and really spend time with the Lord.  No more wasting time on the internet or TV. 

Crawling these days...

1. Did you spend quality time each day with the Lord? If so, how was it? If not, why not?

Ummm... no. I feel like I have been a broken record the last three weeks. I spent time with the Lord two or three days this week. My biggest reason for not doing it is oversleeping. I said that I was committing to do it at night if I didnt get up, but that just didnt happen either. I am not sure why I am struggling with getting up so much lately, but it has been bad!

2. What was the biggest struggle for you this week?

Getting up each day!! Any suggestions?? I have just been ignoring the alarm clock or choosing to sleep more. When I am awake I know that I would rather wake up early than get those last few minutes of sleep, but lately I just cant tell my sleeping self that. I need any and all advice. 


Also I have struggled with just wanting to be a recluse and not give people any time or effort.

3. What is your biggest praise from this last week?

Some of my youth girls! A week ago we had a DNOW and it really helped them refocus and get close. One even accepted Christ! Yay!

4. Is there anything you feel you need to confess or repent of?

Laziness! Huge laziness. Just choosing to not do things because I dont want to, which is completely selfish. I feel like I have not been a servant or even attempted to serve others this week.

5. Share what you are committing to do with the Lord next week.


Well again, I am committing and trying to be as resolved as possible to spend time each day at some point with the Lord! Memorize three more verses in Phil. And actually pray for each of you (which I must confess I have not done thus far...). 


Your Turn- how are you doing Spiritually?? You can leave a comment on this post or write your own post on here. If you are not setup as a blog author and want to be, let me know. 

Slacker

Yes...I am the slacker once again...go figure! :)

Any who...I can't do check in this week due to lack of internet access.

I do have a huge prayer request...please pray for my family. My Mom's Mom died this week and the funeral is Thursday. Please remember us as we face this week and its challenges. Thanks...

I don't want Jesus to be my Facebook friend

I just wanted to share something I've been thinking about quite a bit lately.

In my Bible Study with BSF, we are studying the book of John this year. Last week we discussed John 17, which is Jesus' prayer for his disciples and Himself. Often referred to as the High Priestly prayer. As part of the lesson, we were sent to Hebrews to look at Jesus as the ultimate High Priest and we discussed a lot about what it means to truly know Jesus.

Through the study, I began to see how I treat Jesus like a Facebook friend. Facebook has allowed me to reconnect with some long lost friends, but for the most part, it encourages me to observe people's lives effortlessly without being really involved. I can know the latest news about 200 people, see their photos, and have an idea of what is happening in their lives. I can do all of this by just looking at my home page. I end up knowing a lot about these people, but not really knowing them at all. Facebook has given me a false sense of community. I share what I want and only tell the bits of myself and experiences that I want people to know.

I often find myself treating Jesus like a Facebook friend. I know a lot about Jesus. I am even in a Bible Study and read my Bible regularly, but at the end of the day, I'm not always experiencing the relationship with Jesus that I want to be or should be. I am not putting in the effort to allow that relationship to be truly transformational. In order to experience true community (even with the Lord) I have to be honest about what's going on in my life. I will never grow in my relationship with God by only mentally absorbing information about Him. I have to be willing to dig in, be vulnerable and allow myself to be transformed through the reading of His word and the power of the Holy Spirit.

I confess I'm bad at this. It's easier for me to be intellectually informed and satisfied by that but God is calling us to a deeper love in Him - a love for Him and for others enabled by the power of the Holy Spirit.

You can pray that I would learn how to pursue a relationship with Christ that is much more intimate than just being Facebook friends, a relationship that grows over time and work and transforms my life.

Checking in

Hi ladies! Hope everyone is doing well.  I've been wanting to post but just haven't sat down to do it, so here goes with the weekly checkin:

1. Did you spend quality time each day with the Lord? If so, how was it? If not, why not?  For some reason I got in my head that I had still been consistent except for when I was gone for the weekend but I was WRONG.  I got out my journal to write on Monday night and had not written since the 10th.  eep.  I feel like I have been hearing a lot from God though and praying a lot.  Gotta stay on track.

2. What was the biggest struggle for you this week?  My attitude has been BAD for the past few weeks.  I am discontent in my job and trying to deal with my frustration in a Godly way, but am not currently doing well.  I have been short with my coworkers and very withdrawn. 

3. What is your biggest Praise from this last week?  I had a wonderful weekend with my best friend in Spring Hill, TN.  We had some good talking time as well as a great time at their church (which feels like Living Hope back when I was back in high school and junior high and is pastored by one of my friends from back in the day).  I also got to see her little daughter be dedicated to the Lord which was so special!

4. Is there anything you feel you need to confess or repent of?  I have been so discontent and my attitude has just been awful.  I have not been glorifying God and have been focusing on what I want and playing the "what if"/regrets game that is never healthy.  I am also realizing that I am horrible at stepping out in faith.  I like routine and "sure things" and the thought of changing anything big is hard.  I want to control it on my own instead of trusting the Lord's power. 

5. Share what you are committing to do with the Lord next week (ex. To spend 10 min in the mornings praying, or to read James, etc).  I will have time with the Lord every single day!

Also, if any of you are interested, one of my dear friends and former Bible study girls is coming over Saturday night before she leaves to go to Africa for a year.  Anyone is invited and let me know if you would like to come!  It will be at my house at 6:30, let me know if you're interested and I will get you more details.

Lastly (and I hope no one wanders over here from my other blogs)...I am considering leaving my job and would like prayer about that.  It is pretty much all about my health...I just feel that I need to get out of that doctor's office and away from children germs if I am ever to become healthy enough to have kids of my own!  It is extremely scary--this is the only job I have ever had, I've worked here for 9 years and I enjoy most aspects of it, I just feel like I need to do this.  Please pray for Patrick & I as we make this decision.  The financial aspect is scary as is the change factor--we are just very stable people. 

I was trying to avoid this...

I thought about posting on here this weekend several times, but seeing as how I have sucked it up this last week I kept deciding to put it off. So a big thanks to Mandy for putting it out there and making me face the group (be sure to read her post below).

1. Did you spend quality time each day with the Lord? If so, how was it? If not, why not?

Nope. Nope. Nope. I struggled every.single.day. to get out of bed period. I was late to work twice. I have no idea what was wrong with me, basically I just chose sleep over everything. I did spend time with the Lord three days, and of those I think one was "quality" time. I agree with Mandy- I struggled to focus.

2. What was the biggest struggle for you this week?

My mind. I was so self focused this week. I struggled to focus on anything outside of me and how I was feeling or what I wanted to do. I wasnt a very good worker, I was not a very good wife, I was not a very fun person. I was just blah. I still dont really know why, just an off week I guess?

3. What is your biggest praise from this last week?

I got to teach at the Creative Ministries Festival on Friday and Saturday, random really. On Friday night I had a small group of wonderful people who truly just reminded me of how great the Lord is and why we  persevere for the Kingdom. They really were a breath of fresh air for me.

4. Is there anything you feel you need to confess or repent of?

Bc of my pride and trust in my own leadership ability, I did not prepare for those sessions I taught like I needed to. Like the people who showed up for it deserved. I struggle with depending on myself way too much.

5. Share what you are committing to do with the Lord next week.

Spend time with Him everyday! (If I miss it in the morning, then spending time with Him before I watch the stupid tv at night) Memorize 3 more verses in Phil. Pray for my youth everyday... everyday.

How is everyone else doing?? Remember to take time and think through these things- how you are struggling, what you are thankful for, what you want to strive for. This is how you live life intentionally. I hope this challenges you to seek Him daily!!

2 Weeks Later...

I've been blogging every day for the last 22 days on my blog. I don't know what I was thinking when I committed myself to that but I'm grateful that I only have 8 days to go.

At any rate, that means that I've been a little behind on any other writing (besides that which I have to do for work).

I've thought about answering Sabrina's questions for a few days - well, since I read the post in Google Reader and starred it so I would do it later....

And now, a full week later, I'm back around to it. So, I guess I'm going first. :)

1. Did you spend quality time each day with the Lord? If so, how was it? If not, why not?

I did spend time with the Lord each day - was it quality every time? Probably not. I struggle with keeping focus on one thing at a time. In order for my time with the Lord to be really quality, I have to be somewhere that my distractions are minimized. This means - no phone, no computer, no internet access...

2. What was the biggest struggle for you this week? (I'll answer for the last 2)

I think so much of my relationship with the Lord is tied up in how things are going for me circumstantially. When things are good, it's easier for me to feel close to the Lord, when they're hard, I have a tendency to try to run away. My biggest struggle is to cling to Him in the midst of a major lull in activity related to raising financial support. To take those feelings to the Lord and allow Him to help me process it through prayer and the Word.

3. What is your biggest praise from this last week? (Again for the last 2)

I will name two things. The first is that I've made it to 41% of my total monthly financial need. I feel like breaking 40% was a big deal and comforting in the confirmation that this is what God has for me. The other thing is that over the course of the last 2 months, I've reconnected with an old friend and there's comfort in that, but it's also been an opportunity to minister to someone else. It's kind of a strange situation, but I'm grateful for how God has provided this in the midst of so much instability in my life.

4. Is there anything you feel you need to confess or repent of?

Just that I'm not nearly as busy as I make myself out to be at times. And I probably should confess that I've not done the best job of keeping up with the schedule I made out for myself - which adds to my inconsistency.

5. Share what you are committing to do with the Lord next week.

Be intentional with my prayer time and with memorizing scripture. I set a goal of memorizing Ephesians at the beginning of the year and haven't gotten started on that. I found a neat resource to help with memorization online and just need to take the time to do it.

Lay it all out on the table

Hello dear ladies! Can I just say it was great reading all of our stories this week? Thanks for taking the time to share!

Its been one week since we all committed to seek the Lord each day and hold one another accountable in doing so, and I wanted to go ahead and check in. I know that online accountability presents its challenges and I will be the first to say I dont have a clue how to do this well. But I will also be the first to try something instead of nothingt. So if you have any ideas of how to truly hold one another accountable please do share!

For this week, I am going to ask a  few questions to get us started. If you haven't "committed" to this group, or don't want to actually post on the blog, but are reading then feel free to share in the comments as well. (I am mainly asking accountability questions about your time with the Lord, not deep bible study questions, theology, etc. This is bc I think the building block to going deeper is to seek Him daily. Feel free to add any other questions you think would be helpful)

1. Did you spend quality time each day with the Lord? If so, how was it? If not, why not?

2. What was the biggest struggle for you this week?

3. What is your biggest Praise from this last week?

4. Is there anything you feel you need to confess or repent of?

5. Share what you are committing to do with the Lord next week (ex. To spend 10 min in the mornings praying, or to read James, etc).

This is my story...

Okay, I'll go!

Cheyenne, here.

By way of introduction, right now I am a stay-at-home mom with an almost 18-month old. My husband, Matt, is a pastor on staff at a church in our college town; he works with college students and young adults.

My story begins in eastern Kentucky, in a rocky home life and a small rural church full of faithful, simple people.

My parents had a terrible marriage and eventually divorced when I was seven. We didn't attend church as a family, but nearly every Sunday I did attend church with my grandmother (and sometimes my teenage sister). At home I often saw the stark reality of sin and selfishness; at church I was consistently taught of redemption and the Redeemer.

The words of the Baptist Hymnal sank deep into my soul, along with Bible story after Bible story during Sunday school each week. I believed those stories as early as I remember hearing them, but the gravity of my own disobedience did not strike my heart until I was 10 years old, listening to our pastor teach the gospel at VBS. I gave my heart to Jesus that day and ran from the church building to my mom's car proclaiming, "I'm going to heaven!!!"

I was and still often am a fearful girl. I worry. I fret. I think of the worst case scenario.

Jesus became the Comforter and Refuge in those moments of fear. The Bible encouraged me when I was alone in my room listening to yelling parents. I prayed for help when I didn't know where else to turn.

God has done much to redeem my family since then. Post after post I could recount all that He had done for my parents, my sister, and I. But those early days of tumult shaped my heart in a way to cause me to trust in Jesus when all else was not worthy of my trust.

Oh I tried to trust in other things plenty of times after trusting in Jesus as savior. My primary idol of choice was boys, especially in high school. I was known as a committed Christian, president of FCA, a runner who used that platform to share God's truth. But I was a hypocrite. I trusted in relationships often to the detriment of the sincerity of my faith. I'm sure some of you can relate.

God used a man and his wife, my FCA sponsors, to show me a picture of what I had never seen. A godly marriage. It created in me a longing for something different than I was pursuing. I was still foolish, but God put me on a different path.

My first day of college I met the man I would marry eventually. He pointed me to Jesus and helped me become more like Him during our years at WKU. College was a time of learning discipline - spiritually, emotionally, physically through running. At times it was certainly painful, but I can see the fruit of those days often now. God also provided Christian friends and a vibrant church family (which is still our church family!) to help me learn to walk with Him.

Matt and I were married right after college, and four years later our sweet baby boy joined our family. Our family is far from perfect, but when I see what God has given I am in awe of His mercy and redemption. I long to be a picture of something better for the young students and singles in our lives.

The last 18 months I have battled for consistency more than ever in my regular time with God, but I have also learned how much I have to depend on Christ every hour. Being a mom reveals the selfishness, laziness, and all that other stuff I'd rather pretend is not there! There are times I am utterly clueless what to do or how to do it. There are moments I am bankrupt of patience and grace.

"I Need Thee Every Hour" is my constant plea, in my better moments. It is painfully obvious when I try to mother or serve (whether family, church, whatever) in my own strength. I am often still gripped by fear. What if... is the enemy I often encounter.

That's where you come in. As iron sharpens iron...

I'm praying that God can take those broken places in each of our lives and use the simple faithfulness of others to point one another toward the Redeemer and the redemption. He is faithful, and He will do it.

Cheyenne

Why me? Why this? Why now?

I'm Mandy Guss. I have a super unspectacular life that I blog about here.

I'm on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ. I live in Bowling Green and I am currently raising support full time to minister to college students in Uppsala, Sweden.

I became a Christian when I was 16. The story is over on my blog under "My Story" if you're interested.

The last few years have been interesting for me as I have gone from working at a "normal" full time job in the corporate office of Fruit of the Loom, to working as an administrator with a local church (Grace & Peace PCA), to joining staff this summer. I can't remember a more stretching time than the last 2 years have been since I was a student at WKU from 1998-2002.

I was involved in Campus Crusade at WKU and also studied Spanish and Religious Studies. I led a Bible Study, was active in evangelism and even spent a summer in Central Asia doing ministry. The year after I graduated, I worked for Crusade as an intern at WKU. I continued leading my Bible Study and also had many more opportunities to be trained in sharing my faith, teaching about the Holy Spirit and seeing women's lives changed by the Gospel. It was a hard year but I was consistently challenged and stretched.

After that experience, I headed into the "real" world. I struggled to really know how to walk with God without the context of being in ministry and constant Christian community. I was involved in a local church and was encouraged greatly through that, but struggled in my personal time with the Lord. This continued until going to church had become a facade to cover up the fact that I was so detached from the Lord that I almost never spent time with Him. I would feel bad about it, but wouldn't do anything to help it.

Things started to turn around in the fall of 2007 when I realized I was at the end of my rope... And continued with a major push towards walking closely with the Lord after a visit to Sweden in March 2008. While I was there, I was able to regain some consistency that again pushed me to reexamine my life and what I was doing with it. Shortly after that I left my job at Fruit of the Loom began working for the church, and later joined staff.

My relationship with the Lord seems to be somewhat tumultuous even now. My schedule is less than consistent because while raising support, I am not really the master of it. My weekly activities vary greatly based on other people's availability and I am often working nights and weekends. I am more dependent on the Lord than ever - every area of my life is truly dependent on His provision - and yet it's difficult for me to be consistent in spending time with Him.

Three things really help to anchor my weekly activities and remind me to stay in the Word. The first is Church. We meet on Sunday evenings only which gives me a nice break Sunday mornings to just rest and spend tim with the Lord. I am also involved in Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) and we are studying John this year. It's a great encouragement to me to keep up with my lesson every week. And finally, I meet with a friend every Tuesday who helps keep me in line. I'm grateful for these things and am hopeful that adding the J Club to this regimen will encourage me to dig even more deeply into the Word.

My biggest hope from this is that I would grow in consistency and that I would really be deepening my relationship with the Lord. I look forward to seeing how God chooses to use this in my life and in the lives of my fellow bloggers and readers. :)

My Tale

Yes Thanks Sabrina for taking the intiative and doing this. I wanted to through out February but could not get motivated. I know I know not a good enough reason/excuse but it was mine. So here it is about to get crazy busy and I am determined to do this...here’s hoping!

For those that do not know me or know me that well... My name is Erin and I met Sabrina through the BSU my freshman year @ WKU. She was my “Aunt” and married to her now brother-in-law...only the B ;) Any who...I am a recent grad from Western and in my second year teaching Middle School FMD (Severe Special Education). Never dreamed I would a) teach FMD, b) teach middle school c) being doing both and loving it. I am single and learning to endure small town life again. There are times I love it-the relationships and closeness. And there are times I HATE it because you can’t sneeze without someone on the other end of the county saying bless you. It’s been an adjustment. :) I have within the last year found a church in Clarksville, TN and become active once again in Children’s Ministry. Let’s say this is children’s like I’ve never done before, but it is a learning experience. I have been able to use things from teaching and passed down from previous people I’ve worked with. BTW Sabrina-tell your husband thanks! :) I did learn a lot and hope to pass it on and it be accepted!

College was a chance for me to grow and grow-up in life and in faith. I too am a minister’s daughter. My father was a Baptist preacher so I understand the concept of attending church all the time. In fact I like to joke and say that I had a “drug” problem. I was drug to church Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night, any VBS, any revival, and any other church event. I came to know Christ the summer before 6th grade. It was a really neat experience because my father was able to be there and baptize me. Those are awesome memories to carry with me now that my dad has passed on.

When I was in 6th grade my parents divorced. After the divorce my church habits changed. Mom still made me attend church but by the time I was in High School I had started working and did not go that often because my work schedule interfered. When I started college I was so sick of church, its politics and just the overt fake-ness I had experienced in several locations that I did not go my first semester. Second semester with the aide of Freshman Family Group’s encouragement I started back. By the summer I had gotten somewhat involved in children’s ministry. From there I dived headfirst into ministry @ the B. I did not make the smartest calls when it came to that for various reasons. I never knew one could go empty serving until that year. I was not filling up as I should because I was doing too much. After my sophomore year, I had to take a break. By that point I had switched churches and was extremely happy. This is what church is supposed to be I thought at the time. I was active in Children’s ministry and LOVING it! I was working with people that knew what they were doing and had a passion for children’s ministry. I stepped back a lot at the B and was ok with it. I found a lady at church to disciple me. As with any good thing it must come to an end. The beginning of my 5th year things started shifting. God was directing me that I should look at moving on. I of course did not listen. It took a major event to shake me and one I wish didn’t have to happen but it did and amazing things have come from it. I took this time to step back and find a place to heal and just worship. It was very needed and still a process.

Where I am: Well I tend to agree with Sarah-not really in a downward spiral but to the point where I’ve gotten complacent. The last really Bible Study I was apart of was Meredith’s in college. I miss that greatly and hopefully in the near future will have one going here. Yes I have church and Sunday School, but I miss the closeness and accountability from meeting together. I try to read at least a devotional in the morning but don’t always get to. I am hoping that with this I will be more intentional with reading and spending time with God. My devotional I am reading is My Utmost Highest by O. Chambers. It really nails you...so blogging would be a good way to share what I’m learning and just so I will have a record of it. I’m not the greatest at journalling because of the time issue. Memorizing verses is not something I have done in a while. Meredith had us working on some in Romans but I wasn’t always the best at it... :( When I do take time to read I love reading through Psalms. It has to be my favorite book of the Bible!

So I guess that’s where I am...I would love to meet but agree with Sabrina’s idea of at the beginning and end. It is harder for me to get up there. So just keep me updated and let me know. If you want to read more my Blog is Rin’s World. Sorry don’t know how to link it...and it hasn’t been updated in a while...maybe one day :)

Where I am...

First of all, thank you so much to Sabrina for starting this group! I am really really excited about it--I find that most of my dearest friends are in other places these days (or that i cannot seem to mesh schedules with those still here) so the internet has become my lifeline in many ways, and I think that this bloggy group will be a wonderful way to maintain the accountability relationships that I so desperately need.

Well, for those of you who don't know me, I'm Sarah Edmundson, wife of Patrick, daughter of Thomas Weakley (the Campus Crusade director at wku), Office Manager at Pediatric Associates, and "mommy" to my adorable fur-babies, Butch & Kitty. I majored in Religious studies with a minor in Philosophy, and until this year have lead a college Bible study through Crusade since 2003.

My "salvation story" is honestly kind of hard for me to share b/c it just isn't "normal". Being the child of ministers, I heard the gospel pretty much straight from the womb! They constantly explained salvation, sin, Jesus' death on the cross, etc...and at the age of 3 I prayed to recieve Christ. Now, that is understandably hard to believe, even for me b/c it's not like I can vividly remember it, though I do remember sitting on our front porch afterwards with my parents emphatically declaring that Jesus was in my heart! I was baptized by my dad around the age of seven. Either around or before that time I was witnessing to my little friends and my sister. Obviously, I could not fully understand all the implications of the gospel & salvation at that time, but I can honestly say that I have never felt that I did not have the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life, and even if someone becomes a believer at a later age, they in no way understand it all (no one understands it all!). All I can say is that I prayed to receive Christ at that age, and the fruits of the Spirit were evident in my little self, so though I can't really understand it, I do believe that is when I became a Christian!

I have wandered in and out of closeness with the Lord over my life. I never out-right rebelled like many minister's kids (aka, no drugs, drinking, partying etc...) but I always had problems with boyfriends and putting them first. I had a very unhealthy relationship for the majority of high school in which I honestly lost my identity, and then when I became a senior in college started dating Patrick who was not a believer at that time (though he later accepted Christ and now we're married--feel free to ask about that if you want, but there are always consequences to "missionary dating"). Things really turned around in college when I started getting involved with Crusade my freshman year, saw my boyfriend come to know the Lord, and then the next year began leading a Bible study and discipling young women for the first time. During that leading & discipleship process I learned more about faith and fellowship than I had ever known, and developed a passion for having honest vulnerable relationships that encourage one another in Christ.

After graduation and then getting married, life just changed. It is a hard transition going from having people constantly being intentional in Biblical relationships and always learning and being intellectually and relationally stimulated to sitting behind a desk all day around the same people and being drained. In the late summer/early fall of 2007 I got sick w/mono (ridiculous--who gets mono after they're married?!?) and I had just gotten a promotion at my job and tried to push through it and my body just broke. I developed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome & Fibromyalgia and a few other pain conditions and had to re-figure how I live my life. I've learned a lot about resting in the Lord and trusting in His power rather than my own, but my prideful person still tries to do it all too often and I now pay for it every time.

So...that's a LOT of background...where am I now?

This year (I still count things by school years, so let's say summer 2009-present) has been hard. It is the first time that I am not leading a college Bible study, and though I feel like I need the rest it is hard b/c that is where I have always grown the most. When I don't have the motivation of leading others, I all to often slack off in my time with the Lord and become complacent. I also have become very materialistic, which I never would have seen being a problem back when I was in school! Since the New Year stared and with our 5 o'clock club challenge, I have gotten back into the habit of spending time with the Lord daily and am really seeing how desperately I need it! I also am in need of honest relationships with Godly women and am excited to see where this group goes!

In my time with the Lord I am currently reading through Psalms again. I have to go back to this when I need a reminder of what a personal relationship with Christ is supposed to look like. When I read in the New Testament, I can tend to get overly analytical (thank you Religious Studies major) so this helps me focus on how I need to pour out my soul to the Lord. I am also rotating between Abba's Child by Brennan Manning, Fear Not Tomorrow, God is Already There by Ruth Graham, the Believers Daily Renewal by Andrew Murray, a daily hymn devotional and daily Classic Christian writings devotional, and prayer journaling.

The biggest thing that I need accountability with right now is going to church. I have always been a slacker in this area, finding my need for fellowship & worship filled by other means, but since I got sick I have not gone consistently at all. I say "I" rather than "we" right now b/c we had a hurtful experience with the church we were a part of up until the time that I got sick, and it left my husband feeling very hurt and jaded against the church. That is also a prayer request. So put together the fact that I pretty much hibernate on the weekends due to my illness and do not want to get up in the morning, plus the fact that I would be going alone...it's just hard. And I'm prideful and don't want to be asked where my husband is (or have people judge him for not being there). And I'm lazy and want to stay in bed until 11. And I don't want to go alone when all my friends are in couples. There. I admitted it all. It's not good.

A few thoughts on accountability and fellowship for this group...do we maybe want to pick out a memory verse for each month and then all work on it together? I think that could be really cool--and we could rotate who chooses. Also, what about trying to get together once a month (at least those of us who are in the area?) We could set a date (or a specific Friday night, like the second in the month) to shoot for each month, rotate who "hosts" and then whoever makes it makes it--if we did this that could also be our time to recite our memory verse to one another....Just some thoughts...sometimes I get over-eager ;)

If you want to get to know me more online my blogs are:
To be a better me where I post about more personal stuff
&
Teapots & Cakestands where I post about baking and fun stuff....some personal stuff too but less

Here we go!

Well Ladies, the journey has just begun. What have we committed to? Spending time with the Lord daily, spurring one another along when we need it, and sharing the ups and downs with each other. I dont know about you, but I need that.

So to start off with, why dont we all share where we are at in the journey right now. I'll go first and the rest of you can either write your own post (those of you who have accepted the invite to be a blog author... if you havent gotten an invite and want one please leave your email address in the comment section) or leave a comment letting us know where your at in the journey.

I have now been a Christian for around 11 years. That sounds like an eternity to me, and yet some of you can say 20 years or more! Ha! For the last five years, I have been learning how hard it is to develop a consistent time with the Lord amidst the daily pulls of adult life. I have been spotty, and it doesnt help me any that I really dont have anyone in my phase of life at my church. I need accountability. I need people who will tell me I am just making excuses and I need to suck it up and make the time. I need people to remind me that it really will be the most refreshing time of my day, because sometimes its just getting started thats the problem right?

Anyhow, over February I have started to get in a groove I think. I am a morning person, so I am committing to set time aside each morning to spend quality time with the Lord. Right now I am finishing up a study on Ruth, trying to memorize Philippians and struggling to develop a disciplined prayer time each day. Being in the word comes easier to me, prayer is a real weak spot and memorization is something I have just never been intentional about. I need people to hold me accountable to passionately praying each day, meaning I need you to ask and bug me to see if I have really been doing it. And not only that, have I truly meant it?

Spiritually right now I am at one of those rolling plains, meaning I am not in a tough valley of hardship or depression and I am not on a mountaintop experiencing tons of amazing praises and growth. I think these times are challenges because it is so tempting to either get complacent, get bored or get prideful. Its these everyday normal times that make up most of life, and this is where I have to learn to acknowedge, praise and worship the Lord. Challenges and tips on how to do this are always welcome.

Thats where I am at. Where are you?? I am praying that this little group of ours could, by the Holy Spirit's leading, somehow overcome the whole internet barrier and become life-giving community. Those of you who dont blog, share in the comments. Be real and lets walk together on this journey.

What is the J Club?

I am officially starting "The J Club". What is that you ask? The J Club is a club for people who want to commit to and be held accountable for spending daily time with Jesus.

• What: An accountability group
• Who can join: Anyone willing to commit to a set time with Jesus daily. **Even those of you who dont have your own blog!**
• How to join: Comment below leaving your email address for me. I will set you up as a blog author on The J Club Blog. 
• What will it consist of: 
• You committing to specific time each day to hang out with the Lord. This can be morning or night, whatever works for you. 
• You posting on our club blog about how it is going at least once a week (but more if you want) and something you are learning or struggling with. 
• You reading the blog and supporting/ holding the other members accountable to persevering on. 

So who is in??? Come on people,

"let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching."(Hebrews 10: 22-25)