times of trial...

Thanks as always to our "fearless leader" sabrina for starting off the accountability checkin.  I totally am struggling with the same types of things, and am wondering is we are just going through a time of trial and being attacked by Satan for trying be involved in something that can be so glorifying to God?


Well, here is my check in:

1. Did you spend quality time each day with the Lord? If so, how was it? If not, why not?

Nope nope nope.  The times that I have spent with the Lord have been a bare minimum--just doing it to check it off the list. I wrote in my prayer journal 4 times this week...the first two I can tell I was actually focused on it, but the last two were quickly jotted requests with no real heart.  I have been sick again...we think it was the flu?  (tests at my doctor were inconclusive). I was in bed Tuesday--Friday, then had a good day Saturday and today am in a lot of pain again.  I don't know why instead of leaning on the Lord during these times I just hole up in a cocoon and ignore him altogether??  Makes no sense, but that is what I'm doing.

2. What was the biggest struggle for you this week?

When I have times like this when my health is really bad, I wallow in depression and have a very defeatist attitude.  I have no desire to do anything and my attitude is horrible.  Not glorifying to God at all.

3. What is your biggest praise from this last week?

In the midst of everything, hubs and I talked more about whether I need to leave my job and finally came to what I think is a resolution.  I'm kinda bummed b/c I did not get the position that I was really hoping for (a part time administrative position at a church) but I am sending out resumes and praying for God to provide something.

4. Is there anything you feel you need to confess or repent of?

Wallowing in depression.  Failing to see the wonderful things that God has provided.  Just a negative attitude.  Also, I am failing in the area of commitment.  I have this drive to do well for a few days, and then I don't care anymore and stop trying.  This goes for time in the word, getting things done at home, and trying to make better choices regarding my health/weight.

5. Share what you are committing to do with the Lord next week.

To be totally honest, I feel afraid to even say anything b/c I think I will fail!  I have not been able to follow through with anything lately and am scared to put anything out there and then to check back in next week and admit that I did nothing.  I guess I just need to trust Him daily with our future, finding a new job, and trust His strength to get me through each day...and to take baby steps of faith.  I will: talk to one of the doctors I work with about leaving my job, and I will pray about it daily and really spend time with the Lord.  No more wasting time on the internet or TV. 

Crawling these days...

1. Did you spend quality time each day with the Lord? If so, how was it? If not, why not?

Ummm... no. I feel like I have been a broken record the last three weeks. I spent time with the Lord two or three days this week. My biggest reason for not doing it is oversleeping. I said that I was committing to do it at night if I didnt get up, but that just didnt happen either. I am not sure why I am struggling with getting up so much lately, but it has been bad!

2. What was the biggest struggle for you this week?

Getting up each day!! Any suggestions?? I have just been ignoring the alarm clock or choosing to sleep more. When I am awake I know that I would rather wake up early than get those last few minutes of sleep, but lately I just cant tell my sleeping self that. I need any and all advice. 


Also I have struggled with just wanting to be a recluse and not give people any time or effort.

3. What is your biggest praise from this last week?

Some of my youth girls! A week ago we had a DNOW and it really helped them refocus and get close. One even accepted Christ! Yay!

4. Is there anything you feel you need to confess or repent of?

Laziness! Huge laziness. Just choosing to not do things because I dont want to, which is completely selfish. I feel like I have not been a servant or even attempted to serve others this week.

5. Share what you are committing to do with the Lord next week.


Well again, I am committing and trying to be as resolved as possible to spend time each day at some point with the Lord! Memorize three more verses in Phil. And actually pray for each of you (which I must confess I have not done thus far...). 


Your Turn- how are you doing Spiritually?? You can leave a comment on this post or write your own post on here. If you are not setup as a blog author and want to be, let me know. 

Slacker

Yes...I am the slacker once again...go figure! :)

Any who...I can't do check in this week due to lack of internet access.

I do have a huge prayer request...please pray for my family. My Mom's Mom died this week and the funeral is Thursday. Please remember us as we face this week and its challenges. Thanks...

I don't want Jesus to be my Facebook friend

I just wanted to share something I've been thinking about quite a bit lately.

In my Bible Study with BSF, we are studying the book of John this year. Last week we discussed John 17, which is Jesus' prayer for his disciples and Himself. Often referred to as the High Priestly prayer. As part of the lesson, we were sent to Hebrews to look at Jesus as the ultimate High Priest and we discussed a lot about what it means to truly know Jesus.

Through the study, I began to see how I treat Jesus like a Facebook friend. Facebook has allowed me to reconnect with some long lost friends, but for the most part, it encourages me to observe people's lives effortlessly without being really involved. I can know the latest news about 200 people, see their photos, and have an idea of what is happening in their lives. I can do all of this by just looking at my home page. I end up knowing a lot about these people, but not really knowing them at all. Facebook has given me a false sense of community. I share what I want and only tell the bits of myself and experiences that I want people to know.

I often find myself treating Jesus like a Facebook friend. I know a lot about Jesus. I am even in a Bible Study and read my Bible regularly, but at the end of the day, I'm not always experiencing the relationship with Jesus that I want to be or should be. I am not putting in the effort to allow that relationship to be truly transformational. In order to experience true community (even with the Lord) I have to be honest about what's going on in my life. I will never grow in my relationship with God by only mentally absorbing information about Him. I have to be willing to dig in, be vulnerable and allow myself to be transformed through the reading of His word and the power of the Holy Spirit.

I confess I'm bad at this. It's easier for me to be intellectually informed and satisfied by that but God is calling us to a deeper love in Him - a love for Him and for others enabled by the power of the Holy Spirit.

You can pray that I would learn how to pursue a relationship with Christ that is much more intimate than just being Facebook friends, a relationship that grows over time and work and transforms my life.

Checking in

Hi ladies! Hope everyone is doing well.  I've been wanting to post but just haven't sat down to do it, so here goes with the weekly checkin:

1. Did you spend quality time each day with the Lord? If so, how was it? If not, why not?  For some reason I got in my head that I had still been consistent except for when I was gone for the weekend but I was WRONG.  I got out my journal to write on Monday night and had not written since the 10th.  eep.  I feel like I have been hearing a lot from God though and praying a lot.  Gotta stay on track.

2. What was the biggest struggle for you this week?  My attitude has been BAD for the past few weeks.  I am discontent in my job and trying to deal with my frustration in a Godly way, but am not currently doing well.  I have been short with my coworkers and very withdrawn. 

3. What is your biggest Praise from this last week?  I had a wonderful weekend with my best friend in Spring Hill, TN.  We had some good talking time as well as a great time at their church (which feels like Living Hope back when I was back in high school and junior high and is pastored by one of my friends from back in the day).  I also got to see her little daughter be dedicated to the Lord which was so special!

4. Is there anything you feel you need to confess or repent of?  I have been so discontent and my attitude has just been awful.  I have not been glorifying God and have been focusing on what I want and playing the "what if"/regrets game that is never healthy.  I am also realizing that I am horrible at stepping out in faith.  I like routine and "sure things" and the thought of changing anything big is hard.  I want to control it on my own instead of trusting the Lord's power. 

5. Share what you are committing to do with the Lord next week (ex. To spend 10 min in the mornings praying, or to read James, etc).  I will have time with the Lord every single day!

Also, if any of you are interested, one of my dear friends and former Bible study girls is coming over Saturday night before she leaves to go to Africa for a year.  Anyone is invited and let me know if you would like to come!  It will be at my house at 6:30, let me know if you're interested and I will get you more details.

Lastly (and I hope no one wanders over here from my other blogs)...I am considering leaving my job and would like prayer about that.  It is pretty much all about my health...I just feel that I need to get out of that doctor's office and away from children germs if I am ever to become healthy enough to have kids of my own!  It is extremely scary--this is the only job I have ever had, I've worked here for 9 years and I enjoy most aspects of it, I just feel like I need to do this.  Please pray for Patrick & I as we make this decision.  The financial aspect is scary as is the change factor--we are just very stable people. 

I was trying to avoid this...

I thought about posting on here this weekend several times, but seeing as how I have sucked it up this last week I kept deciding to put it off. So a big thanks to Mandy for putting it out there and making me face the group (be sure to read her post below).

1. Did you spend quality time each day with the Lord? If so, how was it? If not, why not?

Nope. Nope. Nope. I struggled every.single.day. to get out of bed period. I was late to work twice. I have no idea what was wrong with me, basically I just chose sleep over everything. I did spend time with the Lord three days, and of those I think one was "quality" time. I agree with Mandy- I struggled to focus.

2. What was the biggest struggle for you this week?

My mind. I was so self focused this week. I struggled to focus on anything outside of me and how I was feeling or what I wanted to do. I wasnt a very good worker, I was not a very good wife, I was not a very fun person. I was just blah. I still dont really know why, just an off week I guess?

3. What is your biggest praise from this last week?

I got to teach at the Creative Ministries Festival on Friday and Saturday, random really. On Friday night I had a small group of wonderful people who truly just reminded me of how great the Lord is and why we  persevere for the Kingdom. They really were a breath of fresh air for me.

4. Is there anything you feel you need to confess or repent of?

Bc of my pride and trust in my own leadership ability, I did not prepare for those sessions I taught like I needed to. Like the people who showed up for it deserved. I struggle with depending on myself way too much.

5. Share what you are committing to do with the Lord next week.

Spend time with Him everyday! (If I miss it in the morning, then spending time with Him before I watch the stupid tv at night) Memorize 3 more verses in Phil. Pray for my youth everyday... everyday.

How is everyone else doing?? Remember to take time and think through these things- how you are struggling, what you are thankful for, what you want to strive for. This is how you live life intentionally. I hope this challenges you to seek Him daily!!

2 Weeks Later...

I've been blogging every day for the last 22 days on my blog. I don't know what I was thinking when I committed myself to that but I'm grateful that I only have 8 days to go.

At any rate, that means that I've been a little behind on any other writing (besides that which I have to do for work).

I've thought about answering Sabrina's questions for a few days - well, since I read the post in Google Reader and starred it so I would do it later....

And now, a full week later, I'm back around to it. So, I guess I'm going first. :)

1. Did you spend quality time each day with the Lord? If so, how was it? If not, why not?

I did spend time with the Lord each day - was it quality every time? Probably not. I struggle with keeping focus on one thing at a time. In order for my time with the Lord to be really quality, I have to be somewhere that my distractions are minimized. This means - no phone, no computer, no internet access...

2. What was the biggest struggle for you this week? (I'll answer for the last 2)

I think so much of my relationship with the Lord is tied up in how things are going for me circumstantially. When things are good, it's easier for me to feel close to the Lord, when they're hard, I have a tendency to try to run away. My biggest struggle is to cling to Him in the midst of a major lull in activity related to raising financial support. To take those feelings to the Lord and allow Him to help me process it through prayer and the Word.

3. What is your biggest praise from this last week? (Again for the last 2)

I will name two things. The first is that I've made it to 41% of my total monthly financial need. I feel like breaking 40% was a big deal and comforting in the confirmation that this is what God has for me. The other thing is that over the course of the last 2 months, I've reconnected with an old friend and there's comfort in that, but it's also been an opportunity to minister to someone else. It's kind of a strange situation, but I'm grateful for how God has provided this in the midst of so much instability in my life.

4. Is there anything you feel you need to confess or repent of?

Just that I'm not nearly as busy as I make myself out to be at times. And I probably should confess that I've not done the best job of keeping up with the schedule I made out for myself - which adds to my inconsistency.

5. Share what you are committing to do with the Lord next week.

Be intentional with my prayer time and with memorizing scripture. I set a goal of memorizing Ephesians at the beginning of the year and haven't gotten started on that. I found a neat resource to help with memorization online and just need to take the time to do it.